Commercials in GTA III
Once again, Rockstar includes commercials for the radio stations of Grand Theft Auto III. These advertise fictional products using zany ramblings, tongue-in-cheek banters, adult humor and well known tropes and clichés used in real life commercials. In-game Commercials *'Pets Overnight': (Rockstar created a real life website for this, at https://www.petsovernight.com) "would you like a kitten? are you tired of man's best friend?--(the ad then implies that the family is going to drown their dog)--''well, you can have man's first cousin, a monkey".'' Pets Over Night can send puppies, giraffes, tigers, cobras, manatees, rhinos, "anything that has a central nervous system". Whatever the pet, Pets Over Night will send it over night, in a box, directly to your door. *'Equanox': a new medicine from Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals. For people who face life's trouble spots, such as a funeral or a divorce, Equinox will soften life's harsh realities. Fast speech at the end, listing the possible secondary effects. *'Rakin and Ponzer': "Is your job affecting your health? Does working take time away from family and social events like watching wrestling? There's an easy solution. '''Sue Your Boss'. See, the great thing about this country is you can sue anyone for anything and you'll probably win. Or at least, get a settlement. We can even train you to throw yourself in front of a bus and pretend to be injured. Call the law offices and get ready to enjoy a life of luxury."'' *'Fernando's New Beginnings': and entrepreneur Fernando Martinez advertizes his way of saving marriages and relationships when "the monotony of monogamy" appears... through the use of mistresses that please the husband's flesh needs. Fernando urges to call "cinco-cinco-cinco nueve-dos-nueve-dos" (555-9292 in ). When Fernando goes to Chatterbox FM to have an interview and promote this scheme, radio host Lazlow becomes so disgusted that he tells Fernando "get out of my studio! You are just a cheap pimp from Upstate Liberty!" This is the first game in which Fernando Martinez appears, he (like Lazlow too) would become a recurrent character through the Grand Theft Auto games. *'Dormatron': (has a real life website at https://wwww.sleepofflard.com) a couple was troubled because of the wife's fatness, then they discovered Dormatron, a product that through high voltage equipment reduces fat while the user is sleeping. "Now that I've lost 280 pounds, my husband is all mine again! -That's right honey, no more escort services for me!" *'The House of Tomorrow': the ad (spoken by a British woman) states that in today's fast paced world, a split second can be the difference between achieving dreams (like winning a Nobel prize) or not (thus becoming a redneck that watches wrestling). A man that didn't upgrade his personal organizer was diagnosed 2 days later with a terminal illness. But another man that was bored attending his son's little league matches went to a House of Tomorrow store and now has a virtual-reality headset that lets him play poker anywhere. "If it's a flash-in-the-pan technology of absolutely no use to anyone, you can find it at '''House of Tomorrow'. Remember, only technology makes life worth living."'' *'Eris': a running shoes company that has been criticized for its use of children labor, a reference to controversies of this kind surrounding . The man in the advertisement tries to shed off that criticism speaking to one of the employees... who is a child. "'''Eris' running shoes, always running... from something."'' *'Maibatsu Monstrosity': a big SUV marketed to soccer moms that like to spend their times at the shopping mall or gazing longly at the pool boy. "It has an amphibious mode that lets it cross rivers. So far I've only hit a few puddles, but it's good to know it's there. And what if it gets 3 miles to the gallon!? I'm a mom, not a conservationist! The new '''Maibatsu Monstrosity'... mine's bigger!"'' *'Pogo the Monkey': (has a real life website at https://www.pogothemonkey.com/) "He's got fur, and a tail, he gets in lots of trouble, but he's a bouncy little fellow. 'cos he's got springs for legs! "Pogo the Monkey", the best new videogame for the whole family." Through the levels, Pogo escapes the research laboratory where scientists genetically altered him ("good thing Pogo has a banana cannon! Those nasty scientists deserve to die!"), rescues kids who fall down a well, saves cats on trees, and, with the help of his friends destroys the White House and becomes the President of the United States. "'''Idiot Gamer' called "Pogo" the best spring and simian game since "Bouncing Bananas"!'' The ad finishes listing all the "Pogo The Monkey" merchandise available "and for kids, a life size living springing breathing monkey!" *'Liberty City Survivor': a reality show which is extremely violent, "we'll take 20 recently paroled guys, equip them with grenade launchers and flamethrowers, and let them hunt each other down". Random people in the streets going about their everyday lives might get harmed because of the fights, but then at the hospital they can tune-in nightly to watch the 24-hour live web-cast. "The game doesn't end until there's only one man left standing. '''Liberty City Survivor'. Natural selection has come home."'' The ad finishes stating that it is sponsored by Ammu-Nation, and urges to "remember to put litter in its place". *'Medieval Millenium Fair': every weekend at Liberty City Park a group of musicians, craftspeople and reenactors throw the Medieval Millennium Fair, where people that want to trade their sweatshirt for a 100-pound armor and their SUV for a noble stallion can have tales of the and spells and potions better than modern medicine. Cut Commercials These two commercials were planned for the game, but were removed before the game was released. *A commercial for Ammu-Nation was cut but would later be modified and reworked into Grand Theft Auto: Vice City- "How 9/11 changed GTA 3 with cut Ammu-Nation commercial". *A commercial advertising the Military was cut- "GTA 3 Cut Military Commercial". This commercial had originally intended to air on both Head Radio and Lips 106. See Also *Commercials in GTA 2 *Commercials in GTA Vice City *Commercials in GTA San Andreas *Commercials in GTA Liberty City Stories References Category:GTA III Category:Commercials